the small exhibit of thoughts

The Last To Start With

2006-02-15T09:38:00.000+07:00

I don’t remember the whisperers inside of the womb when I was being told the secret of how long I’ll live.
I don’t remember how I was born in the world or how my Mom looked at me the first time I open my eyes.
I don’t remember how many times I cried or how many times I laugh myself to tears.

But I do remember that day.
The day when I leave my 22 years old home.
The day when my mom said, “Mama ikhlas…”
The day when my brother held me so tight.
The last day of the first day of my life.

And I do remember you.
Every time I wake up.

80/2

2005-12-15T18:05:00.000+07:00

Starting from a hint, a bit, a shred, a piece of meaningless puzzle or a spoonful of caffeine that would not be sipped without warm water and sugar. That is what we were.

Intersected by diminutive part… to be assembled in a large collision thereafter.

If only we intersected in a different way.
If only we intersected in a different way.
If only we intersected in a different way.

And now we’re forever zero.

My apologize...

Pertemanan & selembar tissue basah

2005-12-15T18:03:00.000+07:00

Pernah terlibat dalam situasi ini gak? Sekumpulan sahabat sepermainan di sekolah ketika lulus berjanji akan selalu memberi kabar dan nggak bakalan sombong dan berjanji menjadi teman selamanya dengan segel saus tomat di ujung jari. Rata-rata semua orang pernah kali ya?

Kalo saya pernah banget, malah bisa dibilang selalu, mulai dari SD. Bentuk ikrarnya berbeda-beda sih tapi kurang lebih isinya sama, menjaga tali silaturahmi. Dan memang ikrarnya tetap terjaga, dengan ketemuan setaun sekali buka puasa bersama (itu juga tidak setiap tahun), nge-add di friendster (God bless the creators), atau menyapa pas kebetulan ketemu di mall.

Menyapa. Dengan template yang paling klise yang herannya tetep saja masih saya ulang-ulang.

"Hei apa kabar?" atau "Ya ampun udah lama banget kita gak ketemu..."
"Kapan ya kita kumpul sama anak-anak?" atau "Kemarin gue ketemu si itu di Citos"
"Bener ya... serius kita harus pergi bareng!"
"Nomer HP lo masih yang dulu?"
...

Dan seolah-olah saya mendapat pencerahan dalam pembicaraan mengenai selembar tissue basah di Sushi Tei, Plaza Senayan.

Di sinilah saya, merasa sangat beruntung, duduk bersama teman-teman kuliah saya. Yang selalu mencari waktu buat ketemu walau ngumpulin komplit semua personilnya sulit. Yang masih sering bercerita mengenai segala hal. Yang masih ada di segala situasi.

Mungkin awalnya kita gak nyangka, dimulai dari kelas kuliah, jalan bareng di supermal, ngobrol di menza, UTS, UAS, kerja praktek, magang, skripsi, pacaran, putus, sampe pacaran lagi, putus lagi, sakit, kawin, punya anak, kerja, berhenti kerja, pindah kota, ke luar negeri, kuliah lagi. Dan mereka masih di situ.

Dan rasanya kita bukan sekedar teman selamanya, tapi sodara. Karena biarpun kadang BT, kadang kesel, kadang jengkel, namun pada akhirnya kita tetep ketawa bareng dan sedih bareng. Dan dengan mereka, saya gak mau sekedar menyapa.

"Trus gimana tissue basahnya tadi?"

Note: Thx to Dwi dan Lia yang selalu maksa kita ketemu.

Persiapan itu Perlu

2005-09-27T17:47:00.000+07:00

Buka-buka majalah, mata tertarik ke visual kue bolu berkerim dengan potongan stroberi segar. Terbitlah air liur sesaat. Rasanya wajib mencicipi, toh bahannya rasanya tidak terlalu sulit. Belanjalah ke supermarket terdekat dari rumah. Semua bahannya sebisa mungkin di-upgrade supaya rasanya lebih enak. Krimnya pilih yang double cream bukan wippy bubuk, susunya bear brand bukan ultra, telurnya yang omega 3 bukan yang kiloan, tepungnya… ah semua tepung tampak sama sampai sulit dibuatnya.

Semangatnya begitu sampai rumah, langsung mengaduk bahan sesuai instruksi dari majalah. Sesekali mencicipi bahan mentahnya rasanya enak juga apalagi setelah ditambah ekstra rum. Tak terasa sudah semangkuk kecil adonan habis digado langsung dari baskomnya. Setelah agak lama adonan sudah tampak putih mengembang, dituang ke cetakan, tinggal dipanggang.

Tau-taunya gasnya habis. Sial. Kok bisa-bisanya... Mulai ngedumel buru-buru telfon tukang gas, mas, bisa dikirim kira-kira 5 menit yang lalu? Sambil nunggu, keselnya semakin tebel. Apalagi setelah melihat cucian bekas proses heboh bikin kue yang menumpuk di wastafel.

Begitu api menyala, adonannya mulai surut. Apa daya mau nggak mau dipanggang saja. Alhasil jadinya bantet. Selera hilang, perut pun terlanjur kenyang. Si Balki mengibas-ngibaskan ekor tanda senang.

Dear Harsya & Nesha

2005-08-03T08:38:00.000+07:00

Love is not the shape of heart that we used to know. It is a circle that connects us together. It is as round as your eyes when you're happy and as lively as your yesterday's presence in our heart. And as the circle drawn in the life of both of you, someday by faith we will meet somehow and our world will go round again. Believe that love comes in circle dearests, because it never ends as your life revolves. And we will be there in every turn. Wishing, praying, missing, waiting.

tata
learning in lost. letting go in love.

The Popinjays

2005-05-13T13:09:00.000+07:00

n. a vain and talkative person (chatters like a parrot)

Have you ever encountered the popinjays? I bet you have. They are everywhere.
Have you ever felt like you’re a popinjay? I have.
There are times when I just can’t keep my mouth shut. Maybe because I’m too excited and it turns out the excitement is about nothing or talking about things that really doesn’t have worth meaning. Speaking of nothing. Because I got nothing to speak of.

How to make nothing worthwhile?
Believe in nothing.
Or believe there might be something inside nothing.
Meanwhile, this time around... it’s only vain and talkative person to me.

NB: Kalo nggak salah jaman SMP dulu ada band namanya "The Popinjays" yang sering diputer di Prambors? Enak sekali lagunya!!! Ada yang punya? ;)

@ scoops

2005-05-02T11:31:00.000+07:00

"Selamat malam minggu..." ujarnya.

Dan waktu rasanya berlalu begitu cepat bersama seseorang yang sepertinya sudah dikenal begitu lama. :)

Big fat sense of humor

2005-05-02T09:13:00.000+07:00

This morning on the news: Thailand Jumbo Queen Pageant

The contestants, as mostly the Thais I have seen on tv commercials, have pretty faces and attractive looks but as the title of the contest itself, the contestants required to have 80 Kgs in weight or more.

The intention is nice. Because the size of the body shouldn’t be an obstacle for someone to become a model. As we know, clothes are made in sizes, why should the model restricted to be in one size only? Models are not one-size-fits-all thingy aight?

Anyway, as I said before… the intention is nice. But one thing strucks me, the pageant’s benefit goes to Thailand Elephant Conservatory. As quoted on Yahoo, “The Jumbo Queen contest is held to select the contestant who best exhibits the characteristics of an elephant, by virtue of her grace, elegance and size, to lead the jumbo banquet and help promote elephant conservation causes in Thailand.”

Hmmm… some of my big posture friends have a big sense of humor but it really needs a one big heart to accept this kind of promotion package. Jumbo queen = save the elephant? Seriously… They really does have a BIG HEART.

Maybe when you reach a certain level of weight, you’ll stop worrying about your body. You’ll stop asking people, “did I gain weight?” Come to think of it, they reach a certain level of freedom where they just carefree about small stupid things and enjoy life, life that is full of delicious food… the life delicacies: life without die-ts!

Then again, today as I struggle to fit myself in my old pair of jeans, I can't stop myself asking, “Guys, honestly… did I gain weight?”

L: Lust, Love, Lesbian, Lho?!

2005-04-29T09:01:00.000+07:00

Pernah nonton serial tv "L-World" di DVD? Ceritanya tentang segrup fun fearless female yang di dalamnya terdapat intrik-intrik cinta dungu (seperti kombinasi "Sex & The City" dan "Friends" nggak sih?) ;p

Anivei, ternyata sangat menarik lho ceritanya... Setelah 3 atau 4 episode, mungkin kita akan lupa kalo mereka lesbi. Maksutnya, ceritanya berjalan wajar dan orang-orangnya pun wajar (wajar disini maksutnya nggak pake cup DD, stoking jaring-jaring dan kuteks merah menyala) plus soundtracksnya asik, termasuk lagu Blower's Daughter-nya Damien Rice.

Banyak hal baru yang gue ketahui setelah menonton serial ini, terutama tentang dunia di seberang sana. Bahkan setelah menonton satu season penuh gue jadi penasaran, siapakah diantara pemainnya yang lesbi beneran... Sepenasaran gue mengetahui tampang aslinya personil Slipknot gitu deh (yang belum berhasil di google sampai saat ini :P).

Dan ternyata... cuma satu dari tujuh pemainnya yang beneran lesbian! Padahal scene-nya banyak yang lumayan vulgar. Samantha-nya Sex & The City kalah dahsyat lah ya kalo begitu?

Udah nonton dan penasaran siapa yang beneran lesbian? Tukeran dulu dong sama muka Slipknot!!!

(Sumpah nggak pentiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing... hihihi)

How do clams enjoy living in a shell?

2005-04-26T14:30:00.000+07:00

Maybe because they are delicate soft creatures that need to be continuously protected. Inside the encrusted shell, they feel safe away from the dangerous predator with excessive hunger for flesh. Inside they feel safe and they produce a nature’s jewel called pearl. Started from dirt, they weave it inside their sheer body into a magnificent glow of hard rounded piece of art with soft satin color.

Maybe the pearl they made makes them attached to the shell because they feel captivated by the result and the rest of the world seems rather dull and slightly unattractive.

Maybe they are wondering, “How do others can possibly live without shells?”

Just The Way You Are - Barry White

2005-04-11T09:15:00.000+07:00

Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

(one nice sunday, as nice as any other day with my bebep)

Fall or Fly (?)

2005-04-08T13:30:00.000+07:00

Everybody else is failing and I am afraid.
Maybe it is because I too, am frail falling failing…
This area is getting more depressing by the day.
Should I press the button?

Sado Masasih (?)

2005-04-06T18:26:00.000+07:00

Sakit. Bisa jadi sebab, bisa juga jadi akibat. Sebagai ilustrasi:

Q: “Kenapa sih anak itu kelakuannya aneh banget?”
A: “Jelas aja wong rada sakit!”
jelas beda sama
Q: “Kamu kenapa kok diem aja?”
A: “Iya nih kayanya sakit…”

Apapun bentuknya. Sebab atau akibat, semua orang pasti pernah ngerasain sakit. Sakit gigi, sakit hati, sakit jiwa, you name it. Dan sakit walau kebanyakan nggak enaknya. namun buat sebagian orang, sewaktu-waktu sakit bisa jadi… enak.

Seperti layaknya zat aditif, sakit bisa bikin ketagihan. Jatuh cinta dengan tembok, misalnya. Pasti sakit. Selain nggak mungkin dibales, kalo kita makin maksa maju kita sendiri juga kan yang makin sakit. Tapi kok banyak banget disekeliling kita orang yang jatuh cinta sama tembok ya?

Saya juga dulu gitu. Ketagihan sama yang namanya sakit. Mungkin bermula dari masa kecil ketika punya borok ato bahasa halusnya luka kering. Nah borok itu paling enak kalo dikopek-kopek. Apalagi kalo bekas jatoh dari sepeda trus lukanya selutut. Kaya dapet satu lahan! Orang lain mungkin ngeliatnya ngilu atau nyinyir… tapi abis gimana? Enak sih! Trus kalo dicuekin, dianggep nggak ada, mendadak jadi makin gatel dan gatel dan gatel… Sampe akhirnya suatu waktu kegaruk dan alhasil malah makin bonyok. (I kno it sounds icky ;p)

Tapi apa iya sakit seenak itu? Buat sebagian orang, sakit itu rasanya tidak enak. Apalagi kalo udah tau rasanya sehat...

back to where the blogging is

2005-04-06T13:35:00.000+07:00

back again to the old place. renovate it a little to make it comfortable. and yes, this time I bring something new with me... :)

this blog is under development

2004-07-19T21:39:00.001+07:00

siapa tau suatu saat nanti bisa mengeksplor html lebih dalam lagi. yea right! for one push button blog visit my tblog :)

Satire: To-Two-Too

2004-06-23T09:18:00.000+07:00

In the middle of heavy kisses... A girl whispers ardently to his boyfriend,

[breathing] I love you
[looking at the girl] I love you too

The girl pauses, and the boy tries to kiss her back. The girl refuses...

[the girl shudder] Is that what you think I am, your number two?
[the boy frantic] WHAT? What are you talking about woman?!
[the girl playing her hands] You said I love you… two…
[the boy gasp] Noooo… what are you thinking!!! I mean I love you, as well…
[the girl look straightly to the boy] You mean as well as the other girls?
[the boy hopeless yet horny] Forget about it, I mean I love you more…

The boy tries to kiss her again

[the girl steps aside] Hold on, hold on! More than what?
[the boy annoyingly tired] Cut the crap, which part do you want me to hold on to? Wait... or is it TWO?

So it goes:
The girl sobs
The boy shrieks
The situation is silly
And nobody's happy

Satire: Which one you refer to?

2004-06-17T09:23:00.000+07:00

(the boy smiles) I’m gay…

(the girl pales) For the love of God… Why? Why? Did I do something wrong to you?!

(smile wider) On the contrary… I should thank you for making me gay!

(anguish) You blame me for it?!

(giggles) No, it’s wonderful. You look so tense you should be gay as well…

(gesturing cross on her chest) Dear father who arts in heaven…

(looking up) In fact He should give blessings for what I become…

(continue mumbling) Protect this boy from hellfire…

(grin) Why is gay considered as sin, when gay literally means happy?

(confused) So you mean gay as in happy or gay... gay?

(mischievous ) What's the difference?

(banging her head to the wall) Aaaargh

Saya sendiri tidak tau

2004-06-12T09:28:00.000+07:00

"Sendirian ?"
Tanya tukang rokok pinggir jalan. Kenes, tersenyum sipu melihat saya malam-malam bermacet ria

Otak saya langsung berputar for unnecessary thoughts ;p

hem...

Sendirian

Memiliki kata dasar:

1. Sendi
Sendi, atau Joint kalo diterjemahkan dalam Bahasa Inggris adalah pertemuan dari dua elemen berbeda yang kemudian saling bekerjasama, mendukung satu sama lain, untuk menciptakan suatu pergerakan atau aksi, bukan begitu? Apabila terlalu dipaksakan atau mengalami suatu peristiwa naas akan menyebabkan nyeri - sehingga untuk sementara tidak dapat menciptakan aksi yang maksimal.
Dalam hal olahraga, sendi akan menjadi lebih kuat apabila sering ditempa latihan dan tentunya dengan tertib membiasakan diri melakukan pemanasan. Joint venture? Kurang lebih sama hanya dalam kerangka bisnis.

2. Diri atau Berdiri (bila ditambah awalan ber- untuk memperjelas maknanya)
Berdiri bisa memiliki arti yang majemuk. Jika konteksnya di tribun menerima suatu medali tentunya adalah berdiri sebagai suatu penghargaan. Sementara jika di depan kelas selama dua jam pelajaran sambil menjewer kuping sendiri, ya dapat dipastikan konteksnya mengenai hukuman. Diri juga kuat tanpa ber- bila ditambah kata Lupa. Nah jangan pernah lupa, lupa diri.

3. -An (?)
Sekedar imbuhan mempermanis, mempertegas. Atau mungkin saya mengingatkan dia pada temannya Ani, Joan?

Jadi Sendirian kah saya?

Hmmm saya tidak tau. Yang pasti saya bukan Ani atau Joan.

p

Satire: Which one you refer to?

2004-06-07T09:23:00.000+07:00

Bedbugs

2004-04-16T09:37:00.000+07:00

It is definitely the bed. The queen-sized bed, perfectly cut for The Queen. Ample soft cushions, who says three to many? Not to forget to mention the other long (cushion) for an unremitting embrace during the night. One towely blanket with red roses arrangement, exclusive enough for one, with clean layer of cotton spread on top of the sturdy mattress. Stretch it out tight from side-to-side please.

The guard against malice and scrutiny, my royal loyal lion bundled with extra tangled hair and my slob dog with checkered choker and puffy brown nose... do stop giving that puppy face!

Hence, every night is such a perfect night to rest here on my bed. Goodnight.